Fighting Discouragement and Finding Freedom in Authenticity

Freelance writing is a rollercoaster. One week, you feel like you're on the brink of something big, and the next, you're staring at two acceptance emails that barely cover the cost of a grocery store impulse buy. 

Recently, I landed two pieces—wins, technically—but the pay was so low that even a kid with a paper route might demand better wages. It’s disheartening. And discouragement has a way of slinking in, whispering that maybe I’m not as good as I thought, maybe the effort isn’t worth it. 

But then, in the midst of that frustration, I had a realization—one far more valuable than any paycheck. I finally connected the dots on how years of being undiagnosed and unknowingly masking my neurodivergence have affected my mental health. 

It’s been exhausting, constantly bending and shifting to fit into spaces that weren’t designed for me. And now that I see it clearly, it’s freeing. For the first time, I feel like I can just be myself. Maybe that’s the real win. 

If I’m not spending all my energy trying to be what I think the world expects, then I can put that energy into writing that feels honest and alive. Maybe that means shifting what I create, leaning into the kind of work that excites me rather than chasing what I think will land. Maybe it means letting Beyond the Balcony reflect that authenticity—embracing the unique rather than chasing the marketable. 

The money still matters (because bills don’t accept "personal growth" as payment), but so does the work that actually feels like mine. So, I’m going to try something radical: focus on what excites me and trust that the right opportunities will follow. 

Let’s see where this leads.