Sight Unseen: An Ignorant Plot Synopsis of The Lost City

 DISCLAIMER: I have not seen the film.  This synopsis is merely my best guess, based off of the trailer and my flabbergasted intellect.

Having made a career out of writing romance novels or something, Loretta works on her computer.  She's making a virtual reality game for the Oculus Quest 2 virtual reality headset with touch controllers, retailing for $399.99 at your local Best Buy, Web Code: 15490835.  She has an idea for a video game where people can have a first person experience of napping in a tomb whilst surrounded by tomb snakes.  Originally a book idea, she thinks the premise will work better with the Oculus Quest 2 virtual reality headset with touch controllers, retailing for $399.99 at your local Best Buy, Web Code: 15490835.

After giving up on branching into video games, she decides to get kidnapped by Abigail Fairfax who whisks her away to a tropical island where she can rethink her life choices.  On her way to the island, Fairfax teaches her the importance of safety belts, and they bond over his beard.  Oh, and he wants her to help him find some sort of city that was lost.  Charlie Hunnam wants to come along, but he can't and has to search for his own lost city.

Wearing an adventure speed suit that is covered with adventure sequins, Loretta is all like, "Yes, dude.  Let us find this city."  Meanwhile, Alan is a cover model who, much like Hunnam, wants to find a lost city.  Renting a very economical car that is equipped with snacks, he finds Loretta.  He is a glory hog and thinks that she could help his career if she goes on an adventure with him.  Through a bit of convincing, she agrees.

Fairfax gets so saddened by this that he thinks about shaving his beard.  It took him a long time to grow, and ever since he developed it he hasn't been carded when buying smokes or lotto scratchers.  What would Loretta do in this situation, he asks himself.  Addressing Henchman Number Three, he demands a soothing bath be drawn where he can soak, drink chardonnay with ice in it, and exfoliate.

In the jungle, Loretta and Alan are having a gay old time within the foliage of said jungle.  There are a lot of clues to look at.  Getting pretty warm, they have a dip in a swamp.  However, and in a serious moment of hindsight, Alan realizes he had one of his snacks and didn't wait an hour before splashing in the jungle swamp.  Thankfully the water isn't too deep, and he is safe.  Happy just to be alive, he recreates his favourite scene from Stand By Me.

With enough clues put together, Alan and Loretta find a nice beach pagoda where they can have a couple's massage.  They are about to put their feet up for a nice relaxing time before Loretta realizes she is tied to a chair.  Alan is now flummoxed.

Thankfully, Jack Trainer shows up.  He is an elite member of the DEVGRU, commonly known as SEAL Team Six, with a specialization in braided ropes and restraints.  His father was a weatherman, and he is there to warn Loretta and Alan that in only a matter of a few hours they will be experiencing temperatures moderately below seasonal averages.  There isn't time to doddle, so he helps them escape the fortified beach pagoda.

On their way to safety, Loretta is concerned that Fairfax will be finding the lost city and will end up on the cover of a magazine.  She knows that since Alan is a cover model, he would really like to be the one on the cover.  Such a desire runs deep in his blood.  Jack Trainer will have none of it, and Loretta is so mad that she 'accidentally' shoves their economical car off a cliff.  No one is up for the idea of walking to the lost city, so they peace out and head home.