Relationship Reheat: 21 Reasons Why Being Single is More Awesome Than a Relationship

(CS: I've mentioned a few times that there is a quirky style of writing that I did in the early 2010s that I just don't do much anymore. It was kind of a second nature and my focus on movies has sort of made me move away from this type of writing. I would like to do it a few times a year again. This one was from August of 2012 and it went as viral as any of my writing ever goes viral.)

Yes, I know I'm married.  I am actually happily married.  I love being married.  It is the greatest thing ever.  So, I sort of realize how it seems incredibly odd that I choose to write an article like this.  But even though I think marriage is more awesome than awesome itself, I also realize that being single can rock its own kind of 50 flavours of awesome.  It seems that sometimes the single person doesn't realize what a sweet deal they having going for themselves.  I know 10 years ago that I didn't truly appreciate the awesomeness that was life as a single.  I sometimes wish I could find a time machine and go back to my old self and say, "Dude, stop fretting about finding someone.  Your wife is going to be amazing.  Right now just rock the single life and appreciate your freedom."  Then I'd ask myself for $20.00, because it can be expensive when you're married and have a kid.

Anyway, there are many reasons why being single is actually awesome, and if you're single, this is why you should enjoy it while it lasts.  Here are 21 of the things that make being single a rather fine way to spend your time.

1.  If you're not going out of the house for the day then being "a smelly, disgusting slob wearing nothing but underwear and the stains from last night's Doritos and beer" is absolutely acceptable home attire.

2.  You don't have to arm yourself for the yearly "whose family are we spending Christmas Day with" war.

3.  The bed is more than a mere corner, and you never have to violently tug at the covers in the middle of the night.

4.  You want to take an impulsive trip down to Boston and spend half your life savings on clam chowder and beer?  Go for it.

5.  You don't need to form a committee to decide what shows will be watched each evening and when video games will be allowed to be played.

6.  You can super-size your fries and add bacon to your burger without being reminded you "already had a very big breakfast today, hon."

7.  One dish.  One bowl.  One fork.  One spoon.  One plate.  Laundry once a month. 

8.  Unless you really like talking to yourself, you never have to respond to an invitation with, "Let me go ask if we're free that day."

9.  You actually have a reason for why you're not having sex.

10.  You're doing things on the weekend because you actually like to do them.

11.  You can splurge on the latest expensive technology with almost no guilt, because your depleted bank account will only affect you. . . and your landlord.  But he is a jerk anyway.

12.  You don't need to prepare a 30 page defense after blurting out, "Whoa, that person is really hot."

13.  The underwear and socks all over the couch?  Yours. 

14.  "Tax Day" is the only date you'll get in trouble for forgetting.

15.  You don't have to pretend you're interested in HGTV or the Food Network.  Or for others, pretend that you're okay with an entire afternoon devoted to football.

16.  You can open up your fridge and not worry about eating "company food."

17.  You can order a meal at a restaurant and know you'll actually get to eat the entire thing yourself.

18. "When do you need to be home?"  "Actually, my rent is due, so I decided I'm just going move to Las Vegas now."

19.  Before you go out, you never have to utter the words, "Does this outfit match with what you're wearing?"

20.  Every single weekend gets to be, "Ignore the dishes, order nothing but pizza, drink all the beer in the house, and watch the entire Die Hard series" day.  The day can obviously be altered depending on gender and preferences.

21. "Would you like the last one?" are words you'll never feel obligated to say after you bought the package of cookies for yourself.