Wrestlemania XXVIII Predictions by a Guy Who Hasn't Watched Wrestling All Year

I've got a few regular readers who are avid wrestling fans, and so I occasionally try to throw them a bone. Wrestlemania XXVIII is the first PPV I'm ordering since 2003, so I thought I'd offer up my predictions for tonight's extravaganza. I should warn you that I've watched no current wrestling this past year, and so my predictions may not be coming from the most educated of places.

Rock vs. John Cena: I've talked about how this is the match that is going to draw in all the old and casual wrestling fans, and this is the reason right here why I'm buying this show (and this is likely the same for many other fans). Of the 75 000 plus crammed into the stadium and the million plus watching it on PPV worldwide, I'd guess about 80% want to see The Rock vanquish Cena. It is the finish that I want desperately, but I also know The Rock is going off to film movies for most of the year and Cena is left to be the top draw for the company. The most logical business move is to give Cena the victory, because they still need to try to use him to make money for the rest of the year, while The Rock is off TV the entire time. Of course, this means Cena will likely be booed out of the stadium, because he'd have just beaten the hometown hero and countless fans will be bitter that the super poser wins again. A Rock win only works if they have a plan in place to protect Cena, and have a money making storyline to shoot off from that loss. There is a chance they're thinking Cena vs. Rock II (with Rock winning this one to set up a second match next year), but that also then means their whole "Once in a lifetime" hype was a sham and not sure they want to admit that so quickly to the paying public. I'm sticking with a Cena win, but I deep down really want the Rock to win this thing.

Hell in the Cell Match: HHH vs. The Undertaker w/ Special Guest Referee Shawn Michaels: Undertaker's Wrestlemania undefeated streak is one of the few things that still matters in wrestling. It holds more prestige than any of the current wrestling championships (I couldn't even name all the world champs in the past two years). There has been endless debate over who will end Undertaker's streak, and a belief it would rocket that wrestler's career into the stratosphere. At this point, I think Undertaker should just retire with the streak, and there are rumours this may be his final match. I don't see any way that HHH will actually win tonight, but I know it will be their goal to trick us all into thinking 'Taker may be losing. Especially since the special ref is not only HHH's best friend, but also the man whose career was ended by the Undertaker. They apparently had a mind blowing match last year, and it should be another hot match with it taking place inside the Hell in the Cell cage (wonder if they'll waive their no blood policy for the night). But Undertaker definitely will win this one, and make his Wrestlemania record a perfect 20-0.

WWF Title Match: CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho: You've got too super talented wrestler, who also happen to be major fans. So, you know their goal will be to steal the show at Wrestlemania; this should definitely be one of the highlights of the night. I've been back and forth on predicting who I think will win this one. In the end, I've decided Jericho will win the title via evil chicanery, and this will set up Punk to regain the title in his hometown of Chicago at the next PPV (which I have no clue what the name is, because they keep changing it every year).

World Title Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus: At one time, winning the Royal Rumble meant you main event Wrestlemania, and were likely being put in the spot to be the vocal point of the company for the next year. Now, they have two world titles, and the Rumble winner not only rarely wins the title but often gets stuck in the midcard spot on the show. There is no chance in the world this match will be put in the main event spot, but I think it has an amazing chance to be a sleeper hit as long as it is given enough time to tell a story. I also think it is time to end the Rumble winner losing streak, and so Sheamus should win the title. Hopefully, this will lead to a much better reign and push after a hot win against the evil vegan, Daniel Bryan.

Intercontinental Title Cody Rhodes vs. Big Show: Rhodes has been spending weeks embarrassing Show and getting the upper hand on him. It is now time for Show to get his big revenge and squash Rhodes for his first Intercontinental title.

Randy Orton vs. Kane: This is the "we don't have anything else for are two main eventers, but they need to be on the show" match. I don't see this match getting much time, since I think the top matches will be eating up a huge chunk of the show. I'm thinking Orton is the bigger star, and he is in a throwaway match, so he has to get the win here.

Team Johnny vs. Team Teddy: It is a six vs. six tag match, but not really sure who all the participants are, because they keep changing them. The winning team allows their representing GM to control both brands, and if you don't have a clue what I'm talking about, it is probably best you just don't bother to worry about it. Team Johnny should win by devious means, and will lead to a heel running both shows (Raw & Smackdown) and giving all the faces a hard time each week.

Kelly Kelly & Maria Menounos vs. Beth Phoenix & Eve: Menounos is some kind of celebrity, and this is proven by the fact she is on Dances with the Stars. I'll say the celebrity team wins, so that the two people who ordered to show for her can go to bed happy.

The show is four hours long, and so all the top matches should get tons of time to tell a good story and build up the drama. The Rock vs. John Cena match is going to get an unbelievable fan reaction, and the energy should drive both guys to put on an unforgettable performance. HHH vs. Undertaker will be another really hot match, and the fans should be pretty rabid for it. I'm guessing the participants in the world title matches will be determined to steal the show, and try to create their own "Wrestlemania moment". A rabid stadium crowd along with some really exciting matches should make this a pretty incredible show. If you're ever going to pay money to watch some wrestling then this should be the show, and I'm pretty jacked up for it.