The One Fictional Character I'd Never Want to Hang Out With

Through the deep annals of fiction, there has been a lot of ferocious and vile beings. You've got everything from vicious taskmasters preying on the poor to heartless barons trying to steal away land to deceptive homewreckers destroying marriages to evil masterminds trying to take over the world. I started thinking, which fictional character would I want to hang out with the absolute least. Yeah, Cobra Commander with his screeching voice would get ultra irritating. I wouldn't feel that safe working for Darth Vader, knowing how he lets employees go. Cujo is the last dog I'd ever want to play fetch with. I probably wouldn't be able to handle Mr. Hyde's mood swings. I would never want Count Dracula or Hannibal Lecter to have me over for dinner. I have a feeling O'Brien just wouldn't be all that fun at a party and I could never get over the feeling he's always watching me. The Joker might be fun for two seconds, until he wanted to do some plastic surgery on me. I could go on and on about the many classic villains that are ultra cool to watch or read, but would never be my first choice to call my best friend.

But there is one fictional person that I'd avoid like the plague and absolutely refuse to ever meet. This is one person that if I saw them walking the street, I'd immediately run the other way. If I even heard they were in the same city as me, I'd quickly move away and never go back there again. I would do whatever it takes to stay away from this person. This fictional character is not any of the ones I mentioned up there. Actually, this character isn't even a villain.

This character is supposed to be the hero.

Jessica Fletcher.

Fletcher is the protagonist from Murder, She Wrote. Now, I realize the youngsters among us may not know this show, since it was in the 80s. Anyone my age would either have heard of the show or was forced to watch it when they were at grandma's (or at home from school with mom). I didn't really have a problem with the show. Each episode was a little murder mystery that the smart sleuth, Jessica Fletcher, would always solve in 45 minutes or so. Fletcher always seemed like a nice enough old lady. She was even a writer, so we would have some common ground. The lady was doing a lot of good by solving all these murders that the local police were baffled by. She was an amazing detective and I'm glad she rid the streets of so many ruthless murderers.

But I still don't want to ever be anywhere near her.

Why?

If Jessica Fletcher is around, it means somebody is going to die. I realize she doesn't do the killing. The lady is sweeter than molasses. But the fact is, if she is in your town then someone is getting killed. There is just no way of knowing if you're going to be the victim.

You may say that the problem isn't Jessica Fletcher, but rather the fact she lived in a really murder friendly town. Yes, Cabot Cove may be the most dangerous place ever. The small Maine town of 3000 had a murder rate that was the same size as a city 20 times its size. So yeah, it isn't a top ten tourist destination by any means.

You see, it wasn't the town's fault. Jessica wasn't always at Cabot Cove. To my knowledge, the place didn't have any murders when she was on vacation. The lady visited other towns in the state or country. Yet every single time, she had some type of murder to solve (not sure when she got around to writing her novels). There was at least 22 weeks each year that a murder was committed near where Jessica was. This is only assuming that every TV season was capturing all the cases in Jessica's life. I wouldn't be surprised if there was far more.

The fact remains, if Jessica was in your town or on your bus or in your grocery store line, then somebody was going to die.

So yeah, all those previously mentioned villains are pretty awful, but none of them have the death rate that Jessica Fletcher can boast. I think more fictional characters have been murdered around Jessica than almost any other character. Heck, I don't think Cobra Commander or Skeletor ever had anyone killed around them (doesn't help their cronies had really bad aim). But that Jessica, despite her sweetness, sure brought a lot death around with her.

So, there you go. I am not ever visiting the fictional town of Cabot Cove. I am never going to a dinner party that Jessica Fletcher has been invited to. She is by far the most dangerous fictional character of all time.