The Scariest Soft Rock Music Video Of All Time

I know heavy metal has this reputation of being scary to those who don't enjoy it. After all, their album covers often have exploding worlds or skeletons playing guitars or zombies making brain soup (note: a cover with a zombie making any kind of soup would be cool). The lyrics don't usually go on about puppies and roses and sunshine, but often tend to be closer to being on the dark and apocalyptic side of things. No disputing that heavy metal can seem a little scary or maybe even a tad evil. But one of the scariest and most disturbing music videos I've ever seen is not made by a heavy metal band, with a name like 'Burning Blood Skeleton Zombie Killer' (note: this band does not exist to my knowledge). The music video that gave me nightmares as a child and still haunts me to this day, is actually sung by a soft rock artist known as Bonnie Tyler. And if you want nightmares for the rest of your life, then watch this video.



Spooky! Just give me second while I go check my pants.

Alright, first of all, the video opens up with what is obviously a haunted mansion (or some type of building that contains a dark secret that will forever torment all who enter it or see it -- yeah, you are to be forever tormented now).

Then there is this poor dove that is trying to escape this house of the macabre, but can't because it has been lassoed by an invisible ghost rope (and it will assuredly be eaten by a witch or a rabid llama -- this is off screen though). (:16)

Then not only do we notice this haunted place is full of candles (which must mean there is a seance or the ghosts has knocked out the electricity), but it is a full moon, which we all know means indestructible and unstoppable evil (this is scientific fact). (:30)

And if you aren't scared yet, then possibly the most disturbing and frightening thing I've ever seen comes on screen. A man with demon eyes!!! I would never, ever invite that guy to my parties, or allow him in my house, even if it is already haunted. Sure, having a flashlight for eyes can be useful, but man, does that guy make we want to hide in my closet and cry. (:45)

Then, after demon eyes man comes. the ghosts get really pissed off and start throwing the doors wide up (and probably yell scary ghost words or maybe they're the back-up singers???). (:49)

Then out of nowhere, these men show up in the guest room, where they replaced the bed with a bunch of desks (which is scary in itself). Then they sit there while a giant ogre (also off screen) start to blow on them. Ogre breath is creepy. (:55)

Then some poor boy is having his back eaten alive by a giant eagle, which causes the boy to spit out doves (why was he eating doves? Maybe he was the off screen witch). (1:05)

Who wouldn't be disturbed by a bunch of naked men in your closet? And I might not be a fan of naked, goggle men, but I feel bad they are spit on by a gigantic hydra (off screen, again). (1:11)

And the ninjas. . . well, okay, ninjas are cool. But how did they get into the house? And when did this house turn into a church? (1:17)

When a bunch of people start dancing in the house/church hybrid, you might think peace has finally come. (1:56) But this only distracts you from the fact that ghosts are throwing your laundry out of the bedrooms. (2:50)

Then the ghosts tire of throwing laundry and starting tossing around naked men. Note to self, always stay clothed now, because ghost hate nakedness. (2:59)

Then the rabid llamas or the ogres or Glenn Beck (or some other hideous monsters) get hungry and want to eat poor Boonie Tyler, so she starts running for her life. (3:05) The ghosts start throwing open the doors again, so they can trap her or maybe throw laundry at her.

Who doesn't fear dinner guests that want to help clean up, but just make an even bigger mess? (3:09)

Then there is the fencer who sweats gold or maybe urine? I don't know a person alive who isn't afraid of a urine sweater. (3:22)

Then, in the scariest moment of this nightmare posing as a music video, we realize there isn't only one demon eyed man. There is an entire army, with the sole purpose of ruling the planet and eating us all alive. (3:29)

AND THEY CAN FLY!!!! (3:34)

I know for me, I never truly trust or feel comfortable with a man who can't button up his own shirt. (3:49)

At some point, this house/church/castle of the damned becomes a time machine and transports some dancing cavemen, who really like to show off their crotch. I tremble at the thought of caveman crotch. (3:51)

It starts to become clear that the giant eagle wasn't eating that boy, but was actually procreating with him (or what many like to term, rape). It has now spawned a nature destroying offspring, which obviously wants to devour poor Bonnie. (4:32)

Then the nightmare seems to be over. It is day time now, and we are at graduation, and all seems right with the world. Maybe it was all just a dream. Maybe we can still continue to love and have normal lives.

Then, the demon eyed man reveals himself and possesses the body of Bonnie Tyler. (5:32) And we now know, we are all truly doomed.

Yeah, that is definitely the scariest thing I've ever seen.