Fact: I Am Not Ron Beach

Last summer, we hooked up our phone service with Primus, which ended up being one of the most migraine inducing experiences I have ever had the non-joy to live through. But today is not a rant against Primus, I will spew that venom another time (or I may actually be able to find content that doesn't make me sound like a curmudgeon). Instead, this rant is directed against another major telecommunications empire. Shortly after the phone was finally set-up, we got a call from Rogers which essentially was an attempt to get us to upgrade our services. This phone call was odd for two reasons because one, we weren't with Rogers but Primus, and two, they called me Ron Beach.

I am pretty sure there is no way you can make Christopher Spicer sound like Ron Beach. They definitely were asking for someone who did not live in our home. I made them aware of this fact, and they of course politely decided to try to sell product to me anyway. Eventually, I convinced them it was best that we end this conversation and that if they were nice, maybe one day I'll actually switch Rogers (since at the time, I was feeling the wrath of the hellcat known as Primus).

It only took a few days until I received a second phone call from Rogers, and once again, they wanted to speak to Ron Beach. I was once again pretty convinced that there was not a Ron Beach that lived in our house. Unless Crosby, our cat, had a secret identity that I was unaware of (which could be likely, considering what good is a secret identity if other people know about it). Despite the possibility they could be wanting to talk to my cat, I decided again to inform them that Ron Beach did not live here and that I did not even have a Rogers service. Of course, they responded by trying to sell me product, which lead me to telling them it would be great to end this conversation now.

Now, repeat the above paragraph about 20 - 40 times, and you now have an idea what I have experienced for the last year and a half. I am still pretty sure that I am not Ron Beach, nor that he is secretly living in my basement ordering Roger telephone service. Which gives me a pretty clear indication that Rogers is in desperate need of updating their customer information, and that Mr. Beach is feeling a little neglected (or laughing, that some poor sucker is being hounded by Rogers).

After the first many times of hearing from Rogers, I finally asked them to please put it in their records that Ron Beach no longer has this number. This lead them to asking me if I knew where Ron Beach had moved to. I responded that I would have no clue considering I've never met the man, and did not think he would call me out of the blue to give me such information. I also let them know that Ron never lived here, since we were the first owners of this house since it is a new home. The Roger employee didn't quite seem to grasp the concept that someone can change numbers without changing a house. Even though this concept seemed hard for them to understand, I believed they were very capable of making a record that Ron Beach no longer had this number and the person who did, wasn't really interested in any more sales pitches from the Rogers team.

Of course, that was about call number 10 of about 40ish. Needless to say, Rogers does seem to have a problem recording such information. Or they are really convinced that I must be Ron Beach. Maybe I should check my birth certificate again.

Today, they called us once again. Today, would be the day that I very firmly told the poor Rogers employee that I expect to never be called again, and that she must make sure it is recorded that Ron Beach does not own this number. I think, I scared the poor, innocent lady.

Which probably means, they will call again tomorrow. Maybe it would be much easier for me to just invest in a name change, obviously, this is a sign that I was meant to be Ron Beach.